Of Sadists and Laptops
by tastes-like-ciel
Summary: "It's not so much that I want to see you naked. I just want to see you not drown."


Title: Of Sadists and Laptops

Genre: Humor/Friendship

Rating: T

Warnings: AU-ish. **One-shot**. Friendship fluff, but if you simply _must_ see it as more, then be my guest. It's kinda Puzzelship-y anyway, I guess.

Summary: "It's not so much that I want to see you naked. I just want to see you _not_ drown."

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!.

Serena: ohmai I actually wrote something non-SuzaLulu related. THE BLASPHEMY. I FEEL IT. (SHOT) Anyway, I dunno. lol This is just a random little idea I've had for a while. Sorry for the shortness.

-x-x-x-x-

"There is an insufficient amount of porn on your harddrive."

Yugi dropped the textbooks he was carrying. They all hit the floor with a loud thud, but the noise never registered within Yugi's mind. He slowly turned to stare at his other half (who was currently riffling through Yugi's computer files out of boredom) and simply stared. He wasn't sure if he had heard correctly (but, at the same time, he was afraid he _had_).

"Wh…what?" was all Yugi could manage to squeak out and it was a miracle he had even been able to say that much (because _what the hell_?).

His other half, Yami (sometimes referred to as 'other me', 'spirit', 'that sadist haunting my room', or 'Pharaoh'; it really depended on the situation or mood) didn't turn around to address the startled teen, but instead continued to gaze at Yugi's laptop with a strangely serious expression masking his face. He leaned back in his chair and tilted his head to the side.

"Rather, _there is none_." he continued and he made a little humming sound as a few mouse clicks sounded. "…you should really fix this. It's appallingly empty. There's just…_nothing_."

A dust of pink sprinkled across Yugi's cheeks and he stuttered.

"Wh-What?" the poor teen squeaked out and he fumbled with his words a moment before gathering enough courage to look somewhat annoyed. "Get off my laptop!"

"Your grandfather looks, you know." Yami continued on without acknowledging Yugi's stutters or command as his finger tapped against the laptop's mouse.

Yugi's hands went to his hips and he huffed.

"Looks at _what_?" Yugi questioned, pouting somewhat. "There's _nothing_ on there to see. I only use it for research and gaming."

Yami sighed before he turned around enough to catch sight of his pouting friend.

"_That's the whole point_. Most teenage boys have _at least_ two or three pinups _somewhere_, but you don't even have that." Yami said and he turned back to stare at Yugi's laptop. "I couldn't even find a trace of anything in your browser history. You literally have _nothing_."

To think that the child was _this_ innocent was astounding (especially considering the way the world was nowadays). The spirit had no problem with this, but with a parental figure like Yugi's (and not just his grandfather; his _mother_ had her share of…moments), something as trivial as this could cause problems.

Yugi failed to see the point.

"_What_ problems?" the teen asked and Yami knew the child had heard those thoughts in his mind. "Why is not having porn a _bad_ thing?"

Yami shook his head.

"It isn't." he assured. "It really isn't, but…well, your grandfather is starting to become suspicious and it would help solve any future problems if you had _something_ on here. Even if it _is_ a lie, at least you won't be misunderstood."

Yugi blinked and the annoyance drained from his face only to be replaced with curiosity.

"What do you mean?" he asked and he honestly didn't understand what the spirit was getting at.

Yami took a moment to click open Yugi's browser and he set it to a search engine before turning back to the confused child.

"There's no real way for me to say this except by just saying it," the spirit began. "but…your grandfather thinks you might be homosexual."

In the back of his mind, Yugi was relieved he hadn't attempted to pick his textbooks back up because he was fairly certain that he would have dropped them again. For the second time that evening, Yugi found himself stuttering and at a loss for words.

"Wh…_what_?"

"He seems to think that you're hiding things." Yami elaborated. "By not having a bunch of scantily clad women littering your harddrive, he thinks you aren't interested in the opposite gender at all. Personally, I don't fully understand the reasoning, but his thinking appears to be a normal reaction in this day and age."

"…my _grandfather_ thinks I'm _gay_?" Yugi repeated and that seemed to be the only thought that was running through his mind.

Yami sent him a sympathetic smile.

"It would seem so. That's why I think you need to put something on here to pacify him and prevent any 'talks' in the future." the spirit continued. "…I really don't understand why it's such a horrible thing, though."

Yugi groaned.

"This isn't happening." he mumbled to himself and he _desperately_ wanted to smother himself with a pillow at the moment.

"…which is why your computer shall have porn sites in its browsing history." Yami concluded and his attention again returned to the laptop. "Let's see…I've never done this before, but…which do you like more: ridiculously oversized breasts or normal ones?"

"_Neither!_" Yugi squeaked. His blush had apparently decided to cover his entire face.

Yami blinked.

"…flat then?"

"_Get off my laptop, Yami!_" the poor, embarrassed teen exclaimed. "I _don't_ want _any_ porn on my laptop! I don't care what Grandpa thinks about my sexuality. _This is stupid!_"

Yami blinked again before his lips curled into a smirk and his sadist personality decided to emerge.

"…I understand, partner." he said after a moment and, to Yugi's relief, deleted the text he had begun to type into the search engine. "No porn."

Yami tapped his chin for a moment in thought before his eyes brightened and he began to type something else into the search box.

"…what are you typing?" Yugi asked and he was eyeing the keyboard anxiously.

Yami just continued to smirk.

"Not porn." he answered simply.

"…Yami, that told me _nothing_."

Yami didn't answer but rather waved a hand at him, urging Yugi to come closer once he had found whatever it was that he was looking for.

Yugi was less than pleased when he drew closer and saw what his 'completely and totally nice' spirit friend had pulled up. In fact, he was so displeased that he practically dissolved into an embarrassed puddle next to Yami's chair.

"Get that off!"

Yami tried (but failed) to look innocent.

"But it's not porn~" he defended and he gestured to a group of pictures littering the screen. "Well, these aren't…look here! Isn't that your boy crush~?"

"_Yamiiiiiiiii!_"

The spirit chuckled.

"Alright, alright." he conceded before he set to his task of deleting the browser history and exiting out of said browser. "I'm deleting it. No one will ever know."

Yugi huffed and sent the puzzle spirit the best, annoyed glare he could muster.

"You _sadist_." the teen mumbled and he continued to sit next to Yami's chair and pout. "How do you know that Grandpa thinks that anyway? Last time I checked, you didn't have ESP with anyone else except me."

"I've seen him snooping around the few times you've left me in here alone." Yami answered with a short shrug. "You know, whenever you take a bath because I'm _clearly_ some sort of pedophilic-"

"I _like_ my privacy and the fact that you would even _want_ to see me naked is creepy in and of itself." Yugi interrupted and he crossed his arms. "Plus, considering how _old_ you are-"

"You have a nasty habit of dozing off while taking baths." Yami defended and he blew out a chuckle. "It's not so much that I want to see you naked. I just want to see you _not_ drown."

"You don't deny wanting to." Yugi argued and why he was insisting on pursuing this direction of conversation was anyone's guess. "You avoided answering it altogether!"

With a few more clicks, the computer's browser had been closed and Yami's attention was fully focused onto his partner seated on the floor beside him.

"Yugi, if I wanted to see you naked, I could stare at you while you undress." Yami replied and his lips turned up into a teasing smirk. "Besides, it would not be the first time~"

If a pillow had been readily available, Yugi would have hurled it at him. Since there wasn't one, however, Yugi's blush merely darkened and he looked away in embarrassment.

"I'm living with a pervert." the teen mumbled under his breath.

Yami bit his lip (as he was trying not to make anymore teasing little comments, but Yugi was making it _far _too easy for him). His silence didn't last long and the spirit let the comment he had waiting on the tip of his tongue out before dissolving into laughter.

"…you mean, one is living _inside_ you."

Yugi looked so adorably mortified that Yami's laughter increased.

"_Yami_!"

-x-x-x-x-

Serena: I just _love_ the thought of Yami and Yugi having banter like this. I suspect they may have in canon, but ah well~ I would appreciate a review if you have time to leave one. Thanks for reading!


End file.
